Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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