hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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