I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
