I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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