had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
