halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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