wanna go halves on a baby?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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