remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
