We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
