I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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