i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found a bag of teeth...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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