You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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