He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
