someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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