you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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