he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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