i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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