you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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