you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
