butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
