If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
