found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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