ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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