If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
