Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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