it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
