I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
