When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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