Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
