just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
