I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Alive.
So much puke
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
