took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
