I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize