My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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