You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
