Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
