wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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