i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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