In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
