i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
