I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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