yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
