When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize