If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
