Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize