I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is Oprah even human
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
