i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
