She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
