i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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