he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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