Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
