Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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