Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
