After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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