If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
