Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
