things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This baby is an asshole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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