OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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