He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
