i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
