Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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