and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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