Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize