i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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