We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
