Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
