I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize