The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
