Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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