nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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