i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
